waiting for Eliza

This is the post I have been intending to write this entire pregnancy. But I haven't. This is the post that has kept me from blogging all these months. I want so much to be honest and genuine in this space. To maintain a sweet balance of the happiness I truly do find in my "beautiful ordinary days", while at the same time not sugar-coating the hard times.

But sometimes it is really, really hard for me to find that balance.

So when I can't find it, I avoid it.

But here I sit 40 weeks, five days pregnant with our dear Eliza. A million and one thoughts are running through my head. Of course, at the forefront is how very anxious and excited I am to meet our sweet girl and to hold her in my arms! But in the back of my mind is also this nagging feeling of needing to try one last time before she is born to really write down some thoughts about my pregnancy with her.

So here I go. This might be messy...
 

July 17, 2011. We lost our sweet baby number three. Hands-down one of the hardest things that I have ever, ever gone through. Hands-down one of the hardest things my marriage has ever gone through. Even though I was only seven and a half weeks along, I grieved that baby like it was one that I had already met and held in my arms. To say I was devastated would be an understatement.

In the months that followed, I felt more depressed than I have ever felt. I am naturally a glass half-full kind of girl, an eternal optimist. But I didn't feel that hope and optimism for awhile. Just a whole lot of sadness.

But in late October, we found out we were pregnant again. And as crazy as it sounds, I felt my grief and sadness immediately replaced with so much joy. So much joy that I know it had to have come from God. It was such a night and day, 100% turn-around in my heart.

Yet even as I felt so much joy, I also felt fear.

Fear that kept me from wanting to announce my pregnancy to anyone for quite awhile- usually I shout it from the rooftops the second I know.

Fear that made every single doctor's appointment feel like I was walking the plank. Will we hear a heartbeat? What if they can't find it?

Fear that if I wasn't careful and protective, tried to steal every ounce of joy that this pregnancy gave me. 

I wish I could say that I was always faithful and intentional about giving the fear to the Lord.

Some days I was. And those were really, really good days. When I felt joy and hope and excitement about the new life that God was creating in me.

But I am sorry to say that too many days I kept the fear tightly clenched in my fists, afraid to give it to God, afraid to let go of control and just trust. 

I know in my heart that He truly knows what is best. That He is a God of love, only capable of operating out of His immense love for us. And that He is good.

But...

I have still been so scared.

I have longed for the days when I was pregnant with Audrey and Elliot and did not feel the weight of this fear. I was so naive then, never really thinking that anything bad could happen to us.

But in the midst of my fears, the Lord has been so patient and loving with me. I have felt Him gently reminding me, reassuring me of His love over and over again.

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail." LAMENTATIONS 3:22

I have felt Him replace my fear with joy and hope over and over and over again. 

And even though this journey of grief and loss and coping with fear is never one I would have chosen for myself, I am thankful for everything it has taught me. And I am so thankful that I have a God that I can put my hope in.

And I am feeling so blessed and so loved by Him for the gift that Eliza is. She truly does fill my heart with so much joy! 

In these last days as I have prepared to meet Eliza, there are two songs that I have been playing over and over again. These two songs fill me with so much hope and so much joy as I anticipate Eliza's birth and seeing her sweet face.
 

PSALM 46 

by Jenny + Tyler

The Lord is my refuge and strength
therefore I will not be afraid
though the mountains give way
and fall into the sea
He will come and rescue me

The Lord comes to me at break of day
He reaches down to guide me in His way
though the oceans roar
in this dark and stormy sea


He will come and rescue me

Halleluyah. He is with me
Halleluyah. We cannot be moved
Halleluyah. He is with me
Halleluyah. I rest secure.

Be still and know that He is God
He will be exalted over all
Come and behold His strength and majesty
yet he will come and rescue me

Halleluyah. He is with me

Halleluyah. We cannot be moved

Halleluyah. He is with me
Halleluyah. I rest secure.



YOUR GREAT NAME
by Natalie Grant




Lost are saved; find their way; 
at the sound of your great name  
All condemned; feel no shame, 
at the sound of your great name  
Every fear; has no place; 
at the sound of your great name  
The enemy; he has to leave;
 at the sound of your great name
 
Chorus: 
Jesus,
Worthy is the Lamb that was slain for us,
Son of God and Man  
You are high and lifted up;
that all the world will praise your great name
 
All the weak; find their strength; 
at the sound of your great name 
Hungry souls; receive grace; 
at the sound of your great name 
The fatherless; they find their rest; 
at the sound of your great name 
 Sick are healed; and the dead are raised; 
at the sound of your great name
 
Chorus
 
Bridge: 
Redeemer, My Healer, Almighty  
My savior, Defender, You are My King
 
Chorus

sweet baby of mine

Dear Eliza Grace, 

I have always loved Valentine's Day, but this last February 14th was especially memorable and special for our little family because it was the day of my 20-week ultrasound. The day we would find out your gender.

Audrey and Elliot waited expectantly at my dear friend Chelle's house, while Daddy and I went to the ultrasound. On the way home, we picked up some balloons to announce the news to them in a special way. I am so thankful that Chelle was able to capture on camera the moment that Audrey and Elliot heard the news. They were so excited!

A little girl. 

Oh dear one, I cannot begin to tell you what a joy it was to me to find out that we are having another girl. With my other pregnancies I can honestly say I never had a gender preference. But this time, something in my heart wanted another daughter (you!) so badly. 

Before the ultrasound, I prepared myself to hear the news that we were having a boy. I prayed and prayed about it, asking the Lord to give me joy and to help me to be content either way. But I was so scared.  

When the ultrasound tech told us we were having a girl, my heart literally felt like it was going to burst. I was so surprised! I think that I will always remember that moment as being a time when I felt really, really loved by God. I feel like He truly heard my cry and gave me the desire of my heart in you. Beautiful, amazing you. 

Daddy and I have chosen to name you Eliza Grace.  

Eliza means "pledged to God"; I love that meaning. I love it because that is my prayer for you- that as you grow up, your life would be lived for the Lord, pledged to Him. But I also love it because ever since the moment I knew you were coming, I have had to daily give you back to God, trusting Him with your life. Holding you with open hands because I know now more than ever before that my children are ultimately not my own, but His. 

We chose Grace as your middle name for a few reasons. Our deepest prayer is that you would come to know Jesus and His grace. We pray that you will become a woman who gives grace to others. And we feel like you and your life are such a testament of God's love and grace in our own lives; you are such a gift from Him to us, sweet girl! 

I am counting down the days until I get to meet you face to face and hold you in my arms. July cannot come fast enough! I love you so much, Eliza! 

Love, Mama

this job

I came across this quote yesterday via Rosina W. Photography's instagram and I can't stop thinking about it. It has already been scribbled in my journal, and I am pretty sure it is also going to make it onto my fridge to keep in view as a constant reminder. I think it is one of those quotes that pretty much all of us can relate to, whatever season of life we are in.

"This job has been given to me to do. Therefore, it is a gift. Therefore, it is a  privilege. Therefore, it is an offering I may make to God. Therefore, it is to be done gladly, if it is done for Him. Here, not somewhere else, I may learn God's way. In this job, not in some other, God looks for faithfulness." 

-Elizabeth Elliot

Hope you are having a lovely week, sweet friends!

P.S. And thank you ever so much for all of the kind words about our happy news! All of us are completely over the moon excited and I can't wait to share more details soon! xo

30 days of thankfulness | day one

Back on my old blog, I spent a couple of Novembers blogging almost every day, listing the things I was thankful for. I love this tradition! But if it wasn't for this sweet friend's reminder yesterday, I would have completely forgotten to start this year's list- life has just been so insanely busy around here lately!

I am not sure if I am going to be able to keep this up every single day, but I am going to try! Some days I might have a long list of thankfuls, other days I might just list one thing. And to keep it super simple, I am probably going to mostly use instagram pictures from my phone. 

I am so thankful for my Tuesday/Thursday mornings + time at my favorite coffee shop with the Lord.

Twice a week my kids are at school in the mornings- Audrey goes to a homeschool enrichment center through our local public school district and Elliot goes to preschool. They love their classes and I can't help but admit that I love the few hours to myself. Sometimes I use the time to run errands or visit with friends, but the majority of the time I use it to spend time in my Bible, sipping coffee, and journaling. 

Last spring we enrolled our kids in preschool. One of these days I hope to get around to blogging about why we chose preschool for that season. And why we are choosing to mostly homeschool again now. 

But for today, I will just share that I feel like one of the number one reasons God had us put the kids in preschool is so that I could have that time with Him. I am a stay-at-home mama. I have been for over six years now. I run a small photography business on the side. I love the Lord with all my heart, but to be honest it is a daily struggle to make time to spend with Him. 

For three months last spring I had two whole mornings a week with the Lord. And it completely rocked my world. I have been a Christian for a long time. I was involved with missions (mostly through YWAM), I went to Bible college, etc. etc. But I have honestly never felt as close to the God as I did during those months this last spring when I studied His Word in such an in-depth way. I used this study by Kay Arthur to inductively study the book of 1 John and it was seriously amazing. And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Lord was preparing my heart for all that we would go through as a family this last summer. My heart broke, but I have been able to trust God completely through this valley because I know Him and I know that He is good. And that knowledge came through spending time with Him and in His Word. I will always look back on last spring and those mornings as such a gift from God. I felt so completely pursued by Him.

Fast-forward three months. After a long, emotionally exhausting summer, once again, God has gifted me with time. I know that it will not always be this way. I will not always have the luxury of two whole mornings a week, just me + God, in fact, it will most likely only be for the next month and a half. So I refuse to feel guilty about it. I am embracing it and soaking it up as much as I can. Right I am studying the book of Philippians (using this study) with a group of dear friends; we are doing the work on our own and meeting one evening a week to discuss it. I am so excited to see all that He has in store for this season.

I am so thankful for the gift of time to spend studying God's Word. 

What are you thankful for today?

remembering 9/11

Like so many others, I have spent a lot of today thinking about the 10th anniversary of 9/11. I can't believe it has already been ten years.

I remember waking up in our little first apartment in Seattle, WA to the phone ringing. My husband of only one year answering it and hearing his sister on the other end crying and telling us to turn on the news. And her telling us that she had talked to her father who was in the Navy and he sounded scared in a way that she had never heard him before.

I remember turning on our news and only turning it off to go to school and to sleep for the next few days. I remember feeling like I couldn't miss anything. Not one single story. I remember watching, in complete shock and horror as the second plane hit, and again when the towers collapsed, all live on national television. I remember being comforted by the familiar news anchors of my childhood, especially by Peter Jennings (here is a news clip that shows him reporting on that day) . I remember wanting to do something, anything to help, but New York feeling so far away from Seattle. I remember strangely eerie quiet skies; we lived fairly close to an airport and to not hear planes flying overhead felt really unsettling. I remember feeling guilty in the weeks and months to follow, for moving on with my life when so many had lost so much.

The past ten years have brought about so many changes in my life. We have traveled, moved, and most significant of all, had our two sweet children. I feel like being a mother has changed my perspective of the events of 9/11 the most of all. I feel so protective of my children- of their lives, safety, and health, but also of their hearts. Part of me wants to shield them from what happened that day, to hide their eyes and cover their ears from the pictures and stories. But then I remember that it is only in sharing history, sharing the stories of the past, that we can learn from them, and my children can grow up to be loving, caring people and citizens of our world.

My children are only (almost) six and four, so I am not going to be showing them any graphic news clippings from that day. But I think that a good place to start is just telling them my story. Where I was on that fateful day and how it made me feel. And above all else, in spite of how people treat us and what happens in the world, God is always faithful and He is always good.

Where were you on that day?

P.S. I recently came across an really amazing tribute (via the blog Tiny Twig) created by TIME magazine that shares some of the stories from 9/11 . Being a photographer and a story-teller myself, I have really loved being able to put faces and voices to some of the stories from that day. Find the portraits and audio recordings of Beyond 9/11: Portraits of Resilience HERE.

rambling thoughts on grief and joy and beauty

 {source}

Just a few random thoughts on my mind today...

Life has slowly but surely been getting back to normal over here. This is the first week that has felt like a typical one since the miscarriage- no one visiting, no one moving (one of my best friends moved away last week), lots of normal things to do like laundry and making dinner and taking care of my kids. It feels really good to be doing normal things. But it also feels strange. The way life is just moving on while my heart is still stuck in one place.

Daytime is pretty easy. I keep busy with Audrey and Elliot, and busy with the endless to-list around the house. It is nighttime that is hard. Really hard. Ever since that first week, I have had trouble at night. When the house is quiet and still, my thoughts go crazy. Seemingly little things always set me off. Last night it was seeing a friend from highschool's ultrasound picture on facebook; a couple of nights ago it was flipping to the month of August in my planner and seeing every Thursday of the month with bold numbers on it- 10, 11, 12, 13. Each number signifying how many weeks pregnant I would be that particular week. Thankfully (I am so so thankful) I had only marked August, not the rest of the year!

Anyone that knows me will tell you that I am a night owl, through and through. I might be sleepy all day, but when the evening comes, I wake up. It is always my most productive time of day. But the last couple of weeks, once the kids are in bed and the sun goes down, I have gotten so mopey and depressed. Usually I read a lot at night, or work on my photography + editing, but I have had no motivation. I have been weepy and emotional. Tired, yet not tired enough to sleep. And I have been doing the silliest things to deal with it. Instead of being productive (cleaning, organizing, homeschool planning, editing photos) or at least doing something fun + happy (blogging, reading good books, spending time with the Lord or Erik), I have been watching ridiculous cheesy movies (I am embarrassed to admit that last night it was High School Musical 2...what?) and feeling sorry for myself. And while I know that this is just part of the process- I am grieving and it is alright to feel sad- I am starting to feel really worn out by all the sadness.

This morning the Lord reminded me of something. On January 1st of this year, I chose a little word to focus on in 2011: JOY. It was the first time I have ever felt like picking a word of the year and making it mine. I felt so strongly in my heart that this was going to be the year that I really learned what joy is and how to make it real in my life.

I haven't really kept up with blogging my journey with joy this year and I'm not sure why because God has taught me so much. And I see more clearly every day His amazing sovereignty in teaching me everything He did in the months leading up to this summer and the past few weeks. Everything He taught me about His love and His goodness and what joy truly is have been such a gift and given me so much hope as I have walked through this hard season. And I feel really strongly that I need to share more of my story, more of this journey I have been on this year to find joy. It is going to take some time- to sort out all of my thoughts and write it all out- but I promise to do it soon. The beginning of the story starts here.

That little reminder this morning, of how I asked God to teach me joy this year, has been on my mind and heart all day. I feel loved by the Lord and He has given me so much grace during this time. But I also feel really convicted- to take what I have learned and really allow the God to fill me with joy, even now while I am still grieving. But how?

I know a huge part of it will come by spending time with God, pouring out my heart to Him and reading His Word. I need time with Him more than ever right now, to keep my heart in the right perspective on His love and His plan for my life. Not to mention, I truly believe that He has so much He wants to teach me right now if I will only let Him. And I know so well that He is the one and only source of true joy.

But what else can I do? Especially during the evenings when I am hit with the grief the hardest?

I need to find beauty. I need to create beauty. My dear friend Rebekah wrote the most amazing, beautiful guest post today over on our friend Annalea's blog. I felt so inspired and challenged when I read about how she has used finding and creating beauty to bring joy to her days. It is such a simple truth- I mean finding beauty (especially through photography) is already a huge part of my life. My blog is named Beautiful Ordinary Day for that very reason! But I think sometimes I get so caught up in finding beauty and less focused on actually creating beauty. Being a stay-at-home mama and a wife gives me so many wonderful opportunities to create beauty in my home and for those I love. I have a feeling that if I focus on that a little more, I will find even more joy.

I'll let you know how it goes...

dear baby

Dear Baby,

We found out about you on a hot June afternoon, the day before our 11th anniversary. You had been wished for, hoped for, but your coming happened much sooner than we had expected. And we were so happy.

We planned on keeping you a secret for awhile. Something to treasure and whisper and plan about just Daddy and I for at least a month. But the secret of you quickly came out to your big brother and sister, some family, and a few friends. A part of me regretted each little whisper about you, wanting to steal it back. Because a part of me was fearful of the "what if". But who really thinks that the "what if" is going to happen to them?

We learned of you just a little less than three weeks ago. You were so tiny, only 7 1/2 weeks, but you had already completely stolen our hearts, and our little family had begun to dream of life as a family of five. What it would be like, look like? Whose room you would share? Big sister's booster seat moving to the back of the van to make room for your infant car seat. Planning an easy homeschool curriculum for this upcoming school year because I would be so busy and so pregnant. A March 1 due date with the slight possibility of being a leap year baby.

You were and are so very, very loved.

This last Sunday morning I started to have signs that something was not right. I immediately knew. You were gone. You were my third baby, my third pregnancy and I just knew. I went to church, tried to go about my day, but by late afternoon there was no denying it anymore. I just cried and cried. I loved you and wanted you so much.

Daddy took me to the hospital, while sweet friends took care of your brother and sister. Part of me wanted to go to the hospital, to have confirmation of what I already knew to be true. Sometimes it is better to know than to not know and just question. But part of me just wanted to run away, to avoid facing the reality that we had lost you.

The wait was long and hard. But I am grateful for that time the Daddy and I had together to process everything just the two of us. By the time we finally got called back to a private room though, I didn't have any questions anymore and just wanted to go home. But we saw a doctor and had the ultrasound. Saw the truth that you were gone.

It still feels so surreal.

They tried to leave me with hope. That maybe I wasn't as far along with you as I thought I was. Maybe the bleeding was just an infection that could be treated with antibiotics. To see my doctor in a couple of days for more tests and maybe it would be alright.

But I knew. And I am grateful for that. That the Lord gave me the intuition to just know.

We went home in a daze. So physically and emotionally exhausted that we just collapsed in bed and went right to sleep. The past three days have been a blur of crying and tiredness, feeling okay and not feeling okay. Wanting to talk and be with loved ones, and wanting to hide and be alone. I know all of these feelings are normal and to be expected. But it is not me. This doesn't feel like my life.

I know and trust God that He is good and that He has a reason and plan for everything. That He sees the big picture and know what is best for me. Best for my little family. Best for you, our sweet baby. I know that He is a loving God who is incapable of doing anything that is not out of love. I know these things to not only be true on paper, in the Bible, but true in my life, true in my heart. I have seen evidence of them, of Him in so many things this past year, and specifically these past few months. He is good. He is loving. And I am clinging to what I know to be true.

Even in knowing those things though, it doesn't make it less hard. It doesn't make it any easier. At least for now. But it does give me hope. Hope that joy will come in the morning and that beauty will rise out of ashes. Because I know the Lord and know that He does not leave us in our pain and sorrow. 

Blessed be your Name
In the land that is plentiful 
Where Your streams of abundance flow 
Blessed be Your name 

Blessed Be Your name 
When I'm found in the desert place 
Though I walk through the wilderness 
Blessed Be Your name 

Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise 
When the darkness closes in, Lord 
Still I will say 

Blessed be the name of the Lord 
Blessed be Your name 
Blessed be the name of the Lord 
Blessed be Your glorious name 

Blessed be Your name 
When the sun's shining down on me 
When the world's 'all as it should be' 
Blessed be Your name 

Blessed be Your name 
On the road marked with suffering 
Though there's pain in the offering 
Blessed be Your name 

Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise 
When the darkness closes in, Lord 
Still I will say 

Blessed be the name of the Lord 
Blessed be Your name 
Blessed be the name of the Lord 
Blessed be Your glorious name 
Blessed be the name of the Lord 
Blessed be Your name 
Blessed be the name of the Lord 
Blessed be Your glorious name 

You give and take away 
You give and take away 
My heart will choose to say 
Lord, blessed be Your name
Matt Redman
(listen to the song HERE)

Oh, how I love you, little one. So much. You are so so missed.
Love, Mama

On Letting Go

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I have been thinking a lot lately about how everyone has a story. How every single person I meet has a different story. How I have a story. We all have hopes and fears, joys and sorrows that are often hidden deep in our hearts, we all have different journeys that life has taken us on.

All this thinking about stories really started this last fall when I read Donald Miller's book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: How I Learned to Live a Better Story. 

"Somehow we realize that great stories are told in conflict, but we are unwilling to embrace the potential greatness of the story we are actually in. We think God is unjust, rather than a master storyteller."

Donald Miller

I have a story. And it is more than what you see on this blog. Of course this blog is definitely a reflection of me and my life, but it is not the whole picture. No one's blog is. My life is full of beauty and joy and heartache and pain. And I share pieces of it all. But not everything. 

Part of my story is that this year has been really hard for my little family. In ways that would never be appropriate or comfortable to share in this space. We have been challenged and stretched, in good ways, but really difficult ways. God has been and is so faithful and so good and we see evidence of Him taking care of us every single day. But of course, we still struggle, we still hurt and wonder and ask why. 

"I've wondered, though, if one of the reasons we fail to acknowledge the brilliance of life is because we don't want the responsibility inherent in the acknowledgement. We don't want to be characters in a story because characters have to move and breathe and face conflict with courage. And if life isn't remarkable, then we don't have to do any of that; we can be unwilling victims rather than grateful participants." 

Donald Miller

I told a dear friend this last weekend that while I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is very present and is here to offer us grace and peace (especially during hard times), I have realized lately that I have not been completely open to receiving His grace and peace and comfort in my own life. I have tried to stay in control because I am so fearful of letting go. I am so fearful of what sacrifices, what changes the Lord will ask of me. 

"This is what I've come to believe about change: it's good in the way that childbirth is good, and failure is good. By that I mean that it's incredibly painful, exponentially more so if you fight it, and also that it has the potential to open you up, to open life up, to deliver you right into the palm of God's hand, which is where you wanted to be all along, except that you were too busy pushing and pulling your life into exactly what you thought it should be."

Shauna Niequist

 Bittersweet (another really beautiful + inspiring book that I have been reading this week)

So this last weekend, I decided to let go. To open my heart fully to whatever it is that God asks of me, to whatever ways He wants to carry this burden for me and pour His grace and peace and comfort into my life, into my little family's lives.

He asked me to do something HUGE. 

Something that requires a lot of trust. A lot of letting go. A lot of facing fears. 

 My little ones are starting preschool next week.

I know. It probably doesn't sound that huge or significant or scary to you. But to me it is all those things. 

You see I have this very big dream in my heart. I really want to homeschool my kids.

But right now, for this season of our lives, it is not working.

I am completely and totally overwhelmed with taking care of my family and getting us through this difficult time. Yet I have also been consumed with guilt and feelings of failure every single day because my kids' education is not looking like I want it to, like it needs to. Now granted, I know Audrey and Elliot are just three and five, so I shouldn't be too stressed out. But this was supposed to be our trial year; Audrey starts kindergarten next year. So we wanted to spend this year testing the waters, seeing if we could make it work. 

And I have loved it. My kids have loved it. The problem is that we are so inconsistent. Days, weeks go by with hardly any school because I am carrying an even bigger burden than my kids' education on my shoulders right now.

I have to be realistic. Homeschooling is more than I can handle right now. I am hoping that that won't always be the case, that someday (hopefully this autumn), we'll be ready to give it a shot again. However, right now I know in my heart that preschool will be so so good for my little ones. I have no doubt that they are going to love it there and completely thrive.

We made the decision on Sunday. I called my first choice preschool first thing Monday morning. Audrey got the very last spot in her class; Elliot got the best three year old teacher in the school. God is good. God is faithful. 

And I already feel like the burden is lighter.

February Challenge :: Week One

 

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I am officially one week in to my little February Challenge! I thought I would try to do a little check-in here once a week. So here is how Week One went...

01. Be more faithful in reading my Bible.

Really really wishing I could say I was more successful in this area, but I really struggled with reading my Bible every day. I am still plugging away at my memorization plan, so I get that bit of the Word every day, but I am realizing more + more how desperately I need to be faithful in this area of opening my Bible up and just reading it. And I am not saying that in a "check-in-the-box" kind of a way. It is not about my works to the Lord. No, it is simply about how much I just need His words in my heart all day every day. 

 

At the very least this week I am going to try to read a little bit every night before I go to bed. It is not my ideal time, but at least it is something!

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02. Go to bed earlier.

Okay. So I really did try to get to bed earlier! Especially earlier in the week. But my little ones had bad colds last week, so consequently I was up a lot with them during the night. Bummer. I really was so much more conscious of what time I was turning out the light this week though, which is a big improvement for me! 

This week I am going to try again (!) to turn out the lights by 11:00pm. We'll see how it goes... 

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03.  Get up earlier. 

Oh, dear. Big huge failure on this one too! Getting up multiple times during the night to help sick kids definitely didn't help, but then again, I really didn't need to sleep in until almost 10:00am on Sunday, now did I? (thank you thank you, sweet husband!).

Tomorrow is a new day. Going to keep trying on this one! 7:00am is the goal.   

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04. Cut back on sugar. 

Oh, friends! I am seriously so proud of myself! I am a total sugar addict, but I literally only had sugar THREE times last week! And the three times I did give in were for really good reasons: A friend who didn't know about my February Challenge showed up at my house with my favorite drink from Starbucks. Couldn't turn that one down, she paid for it after all! Then, last night, Erik's parents took us out for dinner and there was the yummiest creme brulee, maybe ever. It would have been so so wrong to turn it down! Then there was that little sneak of chocolate... In all seriousness though, this is such a huge accomplishment for me. 

In addition to eliminating sugar, I also decided to try cutting gluten out of my diet for this month. I was/am just curious to see if eliminating it could affect my energy levels, as well as, help me get to the bottom of the random stomach aches I get at least once a week. I only had gluten one time this whole week and it DID give me a stomach ache, which I thought was so interesting!

I definitely noticed a huge increase in my energy when I don't eat sugar or gluten, especially in the afternoon. Usually I get really tired around 2pm and just struggle the rest of the day. This week I didn't notice major tiredness in the afternoon, except one day when I ate potatoes for lunch.

So, I obviously did the best on this part of the challenge. I am going to continue another week of no sugar or gluten, then next week I am thinking about eliminating another thing, like dairy.

{via}

05. Move more.

I was 2/7 on this one. Better than nothing at all, but definitely not where I want to be. I have a copy of this dvd, so I am planning on implementing that starting tonight. Hopefully that will help, especially on the days that I can't get to the gym!

{via}

06. Take note + be thankful for God in all the small things. 

I bought a sweet little notebook that makes me super happy to write all my blessings in. I am currently on #17. I am going to try to make it a practice to write a few every night. I can't decide if I want to post them here every week or once a month...

If you are participating in my February Challenge, how has your week been? I would love to hear! 

Also, if you are interested in taking on a smaller challenge, my sweet friend Annalea has an ongoing challenge on her blog called One Little Change. Basically the premise of it is to choose one little thing a month to focus on changing in your life. I think it is a great idea, and I will probably join up next month when my big February Challenge is over. 

P.S. All of the lovely photos were found via my tumblr, Sweet + Lovely Things in the past week or so. Do you have a tumblr? It is one of my very favorite places online!

February Challenge :: 28 Days to a Healthier Me

{image via whimsicalities}

Oh, friends, thank you so much for all your love + prayers the other day! It was definitely a really long week, and your thoughtful words meant so much to me! I have spent all weekend trying to rest + recuperate so that I will be ready to take on Monday and a fresh start. I am determined to go into it with a better attitude, a bit more sleep, and a lot of prayer. 

My husband took the little ones out for the afternoon, so I have had the last few hours all to myself and it has been so lovely! I hardly ever have alone time in my own house; usually I leave the house and go out to coffee or just run errands. It is a special treat to be in my own space with no one else home!

Over the past few days I have realized that I really need to take better care of myself. I think that it is so easy as mamas to just go, go, go all the time and keep so busy meeting the needs of our families that we neglect our own basic needs. So I have decided to dedicate the month of February to really taking care of myself:

FEBRUARY CHALLENGE :: 28 Days to a Healthier Me

01. Be more faithful in reading my Bible.
One thing that I have found really helps me be more consistent with spending time in the Word is just to leave my Bible out on my kitchen counter during the day. I very rarely have time to read in the morning before my kids are awake, but I hate to wait until the evening because I really need the encouragement throughout my day! Having my Bible out where I can read a bit here and there has helped so much. 

Another thing I am doing right now is memorizing the book of Colossians- two verses a week will get me through the entire book in one year. 

02. Go to bed earlier. 
Oh, friends, this one is so much easier said than done. I am a night-owl through + through. I am tired pretty much all day (probably because I stay up too late!), but come 8 or 9:00pm, I am wide awake. I literally have to force myself to go to bed every night because I could easily stay up all night reading. But I know that getting more sleep would make me a much happier person and would make all the little things that come my way throughout the day so much easier to handle. 

Early for me would be 11:00- lights out, so I am shooting for that right now, with the hopes that in a month or two I can get it even earlier...

03. Get up earlier. 
Besides just having more energy, one of the main reasons I want to work on getting to bed earlier is so that I can get up earlier. I hate getting up in the morning. Really it doesn't matter how much sleep I get, I always hate getting up. But it would definitely be easier if I was more rested! My husband is s true morning person and would absolutely love it if I got up earlier to have coffee with him before work, so that is a huge motivator for me. That, and hopefully getting a shower earlier in the day! 

Right now I am shooting for getting up by 7:00am, with the goal of it eventually being 6:00am.

04. Cut back on sugar.
I consider myself to be a pretty healthy eater, but when it comes to sweets...not so much. I know that I would have so much more energy if I was willing to cut back on how much sugar I was eating, it is just so hard to do! 

Question for those of you who have cut back on sugar before: Do you think it is better to just go completely cold turkey or limit yourself to one sweet a day?

05. Move more. 
I know I need to exercise more. Plain + simple. What that looks like is going to vary from day to day, but I am going to try to do something active for at least 30 minutes a day. 

06. Take note + be thankful for God in all the small things.  

I am working my way through an amazing, beautiful book right now called, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are by Ann Voskamp.Both on her blog and in the book, Ann encourages people to take the time to recognize all the little things God is doing in their lives and to write them down. Through acknowledging God's goodness + in giving thanks, we will find true joy in Him. And since cultivating JOY is one of my goals for this year, this seems a good place to start! 

I have done this before- recording my blessings/things I am grateful for- but I have never kept it up long-term. Ann started with the goal of 1000 gifts, then when she reached 1000, kept on going. She is at over 2000 now and still counting. 

I am starting fresh on February 1 and counting my way up to at least 1000. I wonder how long it will take? Much longer than just the month of February, I'm sure!

Here's a really lovely trailer for the book: 

Anyone want to join me for my little February challenge?

a few reminders for me

{a favorite photo of me + my little family taken by the lovely Leslie}

"Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
   for his compassions never fail. 

They are new every morning;
   great is your faithfulness."

- Lamentations 3:22-23

“Finish every day {or yesterday, in my case!} and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” 

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary."

-Galatians 6:9

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Oh, friends. It has totally been one of those weeks. You know the ones, right? Please tell me you do! The ones where it feels like the messes are continuous, your little ones are struggling, your patience is teeny tiny, and your frustrations have manifested themselves more times than you care to admit? Oh, my. Totally ready for the weekend over here and daddy being home all day every day.

Been thinking about these verses + quote all morning. 

Today is going to be a GOOD DAY. It really truly is. Or least, I am going to do everything in my power to make it be one! But if you think of it, would you mind praying for some extra grace + energy + patience for this tired mama? 

P.S. Thank you thank you ever so much for your sweet welcome here in my new space! I didn't mean to let a whole week go by without posting...I truly am so glad that you have all joined me here!