beautiful ordinary day

happy happy 2014!

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Every day I am completely in awe, humbled, and thankful that I get to be mama to these three. They are one of my very greatest joys.

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"A portrait of my children, once a week, every week, in 2013."

Audrey: I love that she has become such a little bookworm. I love finding her in little corners throughout the house, her nose in a book. I love that she usually has at least four or five books "in progress" at a time because I have always been exactly the same way.

Elliot: I can't wrap my mind or my heart around the idea that this sweet amazing boy is going to be SIX in just five short months. Goodness, I love him so.

Eliza: Just waking up from her nap.I could stare into those eyes for days...

(Linking up with the lovely Jodi for the 52 project)

ten on ten :: january 2013

...once a month on the tenth taking a photo an hour for ten consecutive hours

finding life and beauty in the ordinary things of our day to day...

9:01am- I think I am really going to need this coffee today! I have never been a huge coffee drinker, but ever since I became a mama of three, it has become much more of a necessity!

10:16am- LEGOS, LEGOS, LEGOS!

11:44am- Learning to press into Him now more than ever.

12:50pm- We are all about UNO around here these days!

2:05pm- Naptime. I am seriously so spoiled. Eliza is the best baby sleeper we have ever had.

2:51pm- Catching up on some school reading with the big kids while the littlest one is napping.

3:53pm- Helping mama make our favorite snack.

4:59pm- A drawing of the cover of one of her favorite books.

5:51pm- Making this yummy soup for dinner tonight!

6:43pm- Finishing up our pretzals.

I have loved participating in this fun monthly project with Rebekah the past few years! For more details about Ten on Ten, please see HERE.

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"A portrait of my children, once a week, every week, in 2013."

Audrey: She is so very, very seven years old these days. Stuck in that place between desperately wanting to grow up and still wanting to stay little. Witnessing your children grow is so bittersweet.

Elliot: He is all about LEGOS these days. 24/7. He plays them for hours, building such intricate, detailed structures and then telling us all about them in long, rambling stories.

Eliza: So smiley. I love that so much about her.

Inspired by the lovely Jodi over at Che and Fidel, I have decided to join in her 52 project this year. I am really looking forward to the collection of pictures I will have of my little ones at the end of the year!

Eliza Grace

One week ago today everything changed.

Our beautiful girl came into the world.

To say we all fell madly in love would be an understatement.

She has definitely captured all of our hearts.

We have spent the last seven days adjusting to being a family of five.

And while it is not without it's hiccups, I am feeling so very, very happy and blessed.

Eliza Grace, my sweet daughter,

We are so very glad you are here.

Here are some little peeks of our first week together, via my iphone...

july 7

The view from my bedroom window this afternoon. Sweet six and a half year old, trying to knit. Goodness, I love her.

waiting for Eliza

This is the post I have been intending to write this entire pregnancy. But I haven't. This is the post that has kept me from blogging all these months. I want so much to be honest and genuine in this space. To maintain a sweet balance of the happiness I truly do find in my "beautiful ordinary days", while at the same time not sugar-coating the hard times.

But sometimes it is really, really hard for me to find that balance.

So when I can't find it, I avoid it.

But here I sit 40 weeks, five days pregnant with our dear Eliza. A million and one thoughts are running through my head. Of course, at the forefront is how very anxious and excited I am to meet our sweet girl and to hold her in my arms! But in the back of my mind is also this nagging feeling of needing to try one last time before she is born to really write down some thoughts about my pregnancy with her.

So here I go. This might be messy...

July 17, 2011. We lost our sweet baby number three. Hands-down one of the hardest things that I have ever, ever gone through. Hands-down one of the hardest things my marriage has ever gone through. Even though I was only seven and a half weeks along, I grieved that baby like it was one that I had already met and held in my arms. To say I was devastated would be an understatement.

In the months that followed, I felt more depressed than I have ever felt. I am naturally a glass half-full kind of girl, an eternal optimist. But I didn't feel that hope and optimism for awhile. Just a whole lot of sadness.

But in late October, we found out we were pregnant again. And as crazy as it sounds, I felt my grief and sadness immediately replaced with so much joy. So much joy that I know it had to have come from God. It was such a night and day, 100% turn-around in my heart.

Yet even as I felt so much joy, I also felt fear.

Fear that kept me from wanting to announce my pregnancy to anyone for quite awhile- usually I shout it from the rooftops the second I know.

Fear that made every single doctor's appointment feel like I was walking the plank. Will we hear a heartbeat? What if they can't find it?

Fear that if I wasn't careful and protective, tried to steal every ounce of joy that this pregnancy gave me.

I wish I could say that I was always faithful and intentional about giving the fear to the Lord.

Some days I was. And those were really, really good days. When I felt joy and hope and excitement about the new life that God was creating in me.

But I am sorry to say that too many days I kept the fear tightly clenched in my fists, afraid to give it to God, afraid to let go of control and just trust.

I know in my heart that He truly knows what is best. That He is a God of love, only capable of operating out of His immense love for us. And that He is good.

But...

I have still been so scared.

I have longed for the days when I was pregnant with Audrey and Elliot and did not feel the weight of this fear. I was so naive then, never really thinking that anything bad could happen to us.

But in the midst of my fears, the Lord has been so patient and loving with me. I have felt Him gently reminding me, reassuring me of His love over and over again.

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail." LAMENTATIONS 3:22

I have felt Him replace my fear with joy and hope over and over and over again.

And even though this journey of grief and loss and coping with fear is never one I would have chosen for myself, I am thankful for everything it has taught me. And I am so thankful that I have a God that I can put my hope in.

And I am feeling so blessed and so loved by Him for the gift that Eliza is. She truly does fill my heart with so much joy!

In these last days as I have prepared to meet Eliza, there are two songs that I have been playing over and over again. These two songs fill me with so much hope and so much joy as I anticipate Eliza's birth and seeing her sweet face.

PSALM 46

by Jenny + Tyler

The Lord is my refuge and strength
therefore I will not be afraid
though the mountains give way
and fall into the sea
He will come and rescue me

The Lord comes to me at break of day
He reaches down to guide me in His way
though the oceans roar
in this dark and stormy sea

He will come and rescue me

Halleluyah. He is with me
Halleluyah. We cannot be moved
Halleluyah. He is with me
Halleluyah. I rest secure.

Be still and know that He is God
He will be exalted over all
Come and behold His strength and majesty
yet he will come and rescue me

Halleluyah. He is with me

Halleluyah. We cannot be moved

Halleluyah. He is with me
Halleluyah. I rest secure.

YOUR GREAT NAME
by Natalie Grant

Lost are saved; find their way;
at the sound of your great name
All condemned; feel no shame,
at the sound of your great name
Every fear; has no place;
at the sound of your great name
The enemy; he has to leave;
at the sound of your great name

Chorus:
Jesus,
Worthy is the Lamb that was slain for us,
Son of God and Man
You are high and lifted up;
that all the world will praise your great name

All the weak; find their strength;
at the sound of your great name
Hungry souls; receive grace;
at the sound of your great name
The fatherless; they find their rest;
at the sound of your great name
Sick are healed; and the dead are raised;
at the sound of your great name

Chorus

Bridge:
Redeemer, My Healer, Almighty
My savior, Defender, You are My King

Chorus

july 6

01. Non-stress test today to make sure Miss E is doing okay post-due date. Everything looks great! We are just getting super anxious to have her in our arms!

02. The yummy lemonade I treated myself to after my extra long doctor's appointment

03. Reading with this girl at bedtime is seriously becoming one of my favorite parts of the day